Tanja wakes up, next to her a rubber chair and a scratched white wall. She recalls the events of the past few days: anxiety attacks, panic attacks, inner emptiness, reaching for the scissors, the call to the psychiatrist, screaming, raging, uncontrollable anger. Finally, the admission to the closed ward of the psychiatric clinic. It is not the first time. Tanja Rieder, then 26 years old, wife and mother of two, receives the diagnosis of borderline personality disorder. Marked by inner tensions, extreme mood swings, severe depression, and self-harm, her behavior patterns, like those of others affected, often appear paradoxical. In retrospect, the author describes her experiences and encounters with borderline syndrome, which nearly destroyed her and her social relationships. Mrs. Rieder very personally recounts the highs and lows of her journey.