Why is the male penis the largest in relation to body size in the animal kingdom, and why is only the erect penis considered obscene? Was Freud wrong about penis envy, and what role does breast envy play in male development? What is the connection between masturbation and penis measurement? Is male penis fixation a form of fetishism, and does the dildo displace men from the bedroom? Does impotence stem from the pressure to engage in sexual intercourse, and does it symbolize the decline of male-dominated capitalism? This essay, which approaches the penis with ironic reverence, seeks to find answers to these and other questions. To do so, Gerhard Staguhn examines the primary male sexual organ from biological, cultural, sociological, psychological, and even linguistic perspectives, sharing his own discomfort with a wink.