One does not become a tubist for noble reasons. One becomes a tubist because they lack the ambition for a demanding instrument. Or because they don’t want to practice but still keep an eye on the beer tokens at the local festival. We tubists are essentially the bystanders of the music scene. Although we prefer to sit, as any unnecessary movement is effort. And we don’t appreciate that! Andreas Martin Hofmeir shares stories about his tuba Fanny on airplane seats, farting cooks on opera stages, neighboring burglars, meticulously kept practice notebooks, and calculates the per-tone income in Dvořák's Ninth Symphony. Witty, self-ironic, with an impressively dry sense of humor. And the best part: Everything is true!.