The young Mark Sidt has a gut feeling in his head. He describes his thoughts and desperate actions before and after his mother's death with brutal honesty and self-criticism. From then on, the narrator's everyday life is marked by fear and doubt. Nightmares and voices haunt him. His self-imposed solitude plunges him deeper into depression. The people around him show little understanding, except for punks and a mentally disabled acquaintance. Religion and drugs offer no help. Starting at the age of 13, he makes countless notes in which he describes his observations to avoid forgetting what is happening. He quickly realizes that many traumatic experiences hold a treasure of knowledge for the future, but he does not utilize it. It is only after a failed suicide attempt that Sidt opens his eyes: he can turn his life around and trust his gut feeling.