The history of philosophy has already produced numerous theories about individual objects. Beginning with Aristotle's first substance, these theories provide us with Leibnizian monads, the views of Husserl and his rivals, as well as Heidegger's fourfold 'thing'. Despite my admiration for these venerable predecessors, this book does not aim for a synthesis but rather for a new metaphysics that can make statements about all objects, as well as about the perceptible and causal relations in which they are entangled. While I reject the post-Kantian obsession with a single relational gap between humans and objects, I assert that the interaction between cotton and fire is based on the same foundation as human interactions with both cotton and fire.