If successful, as Arnold recommended to me, the title should be: Not Intended for Publication. After nearly 40 years, a ruthless look at publishers, authors, books, and manuscripts. This is how a manuscript begins that Elisabeth Borchers, the great poetess and legendary editor, left behind. Between 1999 and 2005, she worked on an autobiographical text that she could not finish. Even though she initially follows Arnold Stadler's suggestion and recounts her encounters with poets like Bohumil Hrabal, Uwe Johnson, Martin Walser, or Jurek Becker, not shying away from strong statements and harsh judgments, her notes soon take a surprising turn. More and more, she slips into her own self, the self of a woman who is aging.