Product test

It should be called Ratzwunks

13.8.2021

Translation: Eva Francis

The PowerCube was a convenient piece of fitness equipment, but its name is now history. The steel bars have been given a new power term: Kyvos! Not bad, but it could be even better.

Thinking up brand or product names must be a dream job. The sky is the limit, nobody has to understand the name you come up with and your most important tool is Scrabble. Walyöx? Zero points in Scrabble, but good enough for an Ikea sideboard. And you've easily done a better job than the creators of the Workbench Fartfull. Sometimes there are good reasons to change a name.

Other creations are hammered into our minds with all the force of advertising. The fact that Raider is now called Twix was implanted in my brain in 1991 and I will never forget it for the rest of my life. That won't change. Other products disappear silently and then resurface with a new identity. That's the case with the PowerCube fitness device, which presents me with a problem.

Product test
The PowerCube: work out in half a cubic metre
by Michael Restin

This cuboid made of steel bars is based on a simple and ingenious idea. Without having to anchor a large weight station to the wall, you can support yourself or pull yourself up on it, allowing you to perform a variety of exercises. I've also come to appreciate it as a standing desk and table frame. You'll find all the details in the review linked above. But it so happened that at the time I write this review, everyone in the world was stuck at home. The flow of goods came to a standstill and once well-filled warehouses were emptied faster than a dance floor after the lights go on in the early morning hours. Too bad.

The user comment reads: «Very cool article....But dear Galaxus team...Why on earth do you publish an article that generates interest in a product that isn't available? Too bad, I would have ordered it from you today.» And I answered: «Thanks! I guess others felt the same way as you and we ran out of stock. We're working on it, but it will probably take a few more weeks before it's available again.» – Seems at the time, I thought it was a matter of weeks.

So I took it upon myself to let this user know once the PowerCube was available again. Weeks turned into months, but it didn't arrive in our warehouse. Now, out of nowhere, it's reappeared with a new identity. I can only speculate about what happened in the meantime. Is this exclusive design leading a double life and is marketed under several names? It can't be that simple. I don't want the answer to be this boring. In my mind, what's been going on in the last few months is a lot more dramatic.

What might have happened

Brand Manager Steven D., the strategic mastermind behind the product, woke up one night at 3:26 a.m. drenched in sweat. Mr. Universe had appeared to him in his dreams and delivered a message that robbed him of his sleep: «The PowerCube isn't a cube at all! It's a cuboid!» A shock for the up-and-coming company. What then followed? Crisis meetings, zoom discussions and the founding of the «Rebranding» task force. The mission? To find a new premium name. The pandemic proved to be a creativity killer, the process stalled. PowerXub3 was discussed, but then rejected. Thinking up a product name is a tough job. Not just fun and Scrabble games.

A thousand unnamed steel bars piled up in some warehouse. The pressure was mounting while the Corona situation was slowly easing. The marketing team urgently needed a break – a trip to Greece, to make expenses and have fun again. After three colourful drinks, Junior Marketing Assistant Olivia B. drew the name of the beach bar into the warm sand with her big toe. «Kyvos». Wait a minute...Kyvos? That's it!

Multi-gyms

Fitagon Kyvos

For this or some other reason, you can now order this piece of home gym equipment with 45 percent fewer letters and only one vowel. The name Kyvos might seem completely meaningless at first glance and after three attempts at googling it, but it's probably brilliant. Sounds a bit like Davos, has an international flair and makes dialogues like this one possible: «Where did you spend your holidays?» – «On Kyvos.» – «You look good! Did you work out much?» - «No, I was just hanging around.»

Maybe «Kyvos» is an homage to the sound you make when you do your hundredth sit-up. Or a Bulgarian swear word. Or the result of someone falling asleep on the keyboard. Who knows? Just like everything else in the universe, this get-together of consonants is bound to have some kind of meaning. Names are smoke and mirrors. Steel is steel. And the PowerCube is a power socket.

Socket strips

Allocacoc PowerCube Extended USB S+

4 x, Type 13, USB-A, 1.50 m

PowerCube is a fitting name for the cubical power socket. There’s still room for improvement when it comes to the name of the fitness device. Let me take this opportunity to live my dream (job) and suggest a name: Ratzwunks. It’s edgy, bulky and strong. Not bad, right? Who knows, I might turn it into a career like this guy did and I might get a chance when the real-life tech company Kyvos sees its naming rights infringed in three months' time and the workout cube needs to be renamed once again. Feel free to write your booking requests to me as a naming creative in the comments section – along with your own ideas for a name.

Wanted: product name

What should this workout equipment be called?

PowerCube
31%
Kyvos
18%
Ratzwunks
51%

The competition has ended.

55 people like this article

Michael Restin

Senior Editor

Michael.Restin@digitecgalaxus.ch

Simple writer and dad of two who likes to be on the move, wading through everyday family life. Juggling several balls, I'll occasionally drop one. It could be a ball, or a remark. Or both.

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